What I wish I knew when I was in “High School or College or new in my Career”
I recently gave a presentation on “What I Wish I Knew When I Was in School” and had several requests for the presentation. Here are my top 12 things I wish I had known.
1) Get comfortable being uncomfortable
When was the last time you tried something new or something that made you nervous? Zip lining, walking on hot coals, speaking in front of others, asking for help, asking a girl or boy out, etc.
Speaking in front of students is outside my comfort zone. I speak about digital with businesses all the time and feel very comfortable doing that in large environments. But kids scare me. I shared how anxious I was about giving this talk with a friend of mine and she said when was there a time in your life that kids made fun of you. As soon as she said that, I knew exactly when that was. It was in fifth grade and my teacher asked me to read out loud in front of the class. I was not a strong reader back then and wasn’t a very confident student. After stammering around and finishing my part, the kids started laughing. I was mortified. I didn’t realize that that moment impacted me so much that I still carry that with me today. I wasn’t good in school. I had to work at it. I felt so dumb and it wasn’t until later in life that I realized that I am more of a hands-on learner versus just reading a book. This is why I have been so drawn to technology in my career. You can’t read about it. There have been many times where I have had to step outside my comfort zone but I can honestly tell you that every time the other side of the fear was totally worth it. Did you know 60% of your fears will never happen? (Statistics Brain) Raise your hand if you ever get uncomfortable? Trick question-everyone does. Stepping outside your comfort zone is where growth happens!
2) Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
Love Dr. Seuss. Don’t try to be someone else. You were designed to be you and you have special gifts and talents that others don’t. You don’t realize it as “special” because you think everyone sees it the way you see it. That isn’t always true. You bring a unique perspective to any situation. We all have different perspective and life experiences to bring to the table. (W versus M perspective)
3) Find Mentors -You don’t have to have all the answers
Find mentors that push you and lift you up and build into you. Don’t be afraid to ask people for their time. Most people are willing to help if you just ask. I have had many formal and informal mentors in my life that have been very giving of their time and talent. Nothing was ever handed to me. I always sought people and information out. I always felt like I had to have all the answers and I was dumb for asking questions. You are enough right where you are so don’t wait to have all the answers before moving forward.
4) My inner critic is a jerk
Man this is a tough one for me that I fight on a regular basis. I fall into this trap and believe the lies that I tell myself sometimes. If someone spoke to me the way I speak to myself I might punch them. Not that I condone violence. So why do I allow myself to talk to myself like this. So frustrating. You know the lies that I am not smart, who am I to be talking to you today, worthy enough, loved enough, etc. Danielle Krysa wrote a book about this topic and suggested that you give your inner critic a name so when the lies pop up in your mind you can tell it to take a hike. I named mine Gordon. I don’t know a Gordon so it works for me. I can’t tell you the names that my friends call their inner critics as it would not be PG.
5) Don’t let small minds stop you from your dreams
In 2005, I presented my business plan to start a digital business to 3 different business coaches/mentors. They told me that I couldn’t build a business out of digital consulting that it was a fad. Good thing I didn’t listen to them and trusted my instinct. 12 years later and I am still going. I am so glad I didn’t listen to them and pressed on. When you know in every fiber of your being that it is the right thing to do. Go for it.
6) Imposter syndrome
70% of people suffer from imposter syndrome. Have you heard of it? The fear of being found out that you don’t know what you think you know. Feeling like a fraud in some situations. This holds a lot of us back and we don’t even realize that imposter syndrome is a thing. I wish I had known that many years ago. I felt so relived once I heard this term. It was nice to know it wasn’t just me.
7) Confidence gap by McKinsey
Women only apply for open jobs that they think they meet 100% of the criteria listed.
Men apply if they think they meet 60% of the requirements.
80% of jobs are never posted and you need to just go for it. Apply to the job or company that interests you. You may find out during the interview that you are not the right candidate for that particular job you applied for but they see wonderful talents you bring to the table and share that there is another job opening that hasn’t been posted yet that you would be the ideal candidate for. Let your brilliance shine.
8) You WILL make mistakes
We all make mistakes. It is how quickly can you jump back up. Just learn from them and move on. Don’t let this paralyze you for doing things out of the fear of what if I screw this up, or look dumb in front of others, etc.
Being mean to others-My dad who is 70 years old still regrets that he and his buddies in high school were so mean to a kid that the kid actually transferred schools. Life is too short. You don’t know what battles people are fighting every day.
9) FOMO
Fear of missing out! 60% of people have trouble sleeping at night and feel burnt out from consistently being connected. When seeing people post pictures from parties that I wasn’t invited to, perfect clothes, perfect vacations, perfect jobs, perfect relationships or others appearing to have more doesn’t mean they are happy. Comparison is the thief of joy!
10) Time is precious
When you are in school you feel like your life is over because so and so doesn’t like me or so and so dumped me. It’s 4 years of your whole life. You may never see that person again. You are going to meet many, many people during your lifetime. Don’t focus on the one person that doesn’t like you focus on the one that build into you and have the life you want for yourself.
11) Iceberg Illusion
What most people don’t realize when you look at someone who we feel are “successful.” Success doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of work and persistence and failure-yes failure. Have a vision for yourself. If you can’t see it, you can’t achieve it. Don’t judge your journey to someone else’s journey. Comparison is a thief of joy. (Yes, I repeated. It is worth repeating.)
Remind yourself of the 1954 Marathon runner, Roger Bannister, when he broke that first 4-minute mile. Once people knew it could be done others quickly broke that record.
I had a vision for myself and my career. I was surrounded by many successful business people. I made 100k when I was 25. Once it can be done, I knew I could do it again.
12) What matters
At the end of the day, the 8-people standing around your bed when you are very sick or dying are the ones that matter. (8 is how many people that fit side by side around a hospital bed.) Not the boy or girl that you are trying to impress or the person who was mean to you. Life is too short to not focus on what matters. Don’t have regrets when you are on your death bed. I wish I did this or that. Do it now. As tomorrow isn’t promised.
What is holding you back from being the best version of yourself? The world is waiting for you to shine! We need you!
What do you wish you knew?